Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Hey!

Did the baby dance last night and laid down for 20 min afterwards... then this morning, temps JUMPED!  But... DH woke me up at about 2am and I didn't really get back to sleep, just dozed, laying still, in bed till 4am (the usual temping time.) 


But I'm still all egg-whitey today, though not as much as yesterday, so I will try to get some action this evening before dinner.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Conflicting symptoms.

Welp, the POAS OPK says one thing and the body says another.  Sorta.

The CM has been saying go, go, go but the OPK says no hurry, mate!  The chart from Fertility Friend is not much help-- I keep temping, and we keep doing the baby dance, but no jumps in progesterone are detected.  If this cycle is like last one, it sure seems like I'll ovulate while I'm away next week.  (ACK!  next week!  gotta get shoes!  suit pants altered!) But according to my body, I should be ovulating nowish. 

Shakes head.  I am so used to being able to control things.  I guess this is just a tiny taste of what it would be like to be a parent-- not truly in control.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Business trip.

According to last cycle, when I (probably) ovulated around cycle day 25, I will ovulate while I am away on a 5 day long business trip (towards the end of the trip, too.)  So I started looking at bringing my DH along.  He was not thrilled with this idea.

When we got married, we carefully discussed "all those things people should talk about but don't" and one of them was whether we'd go to "extraordinary lengths" to have a baby.  We agreed we wouldn't.  Problem is, he thinks coming along on my trip is extraordinary, and I don't.

At this point, I really don't even think getting his semen tested, or maybe medication if I had a luteal phase defect, or even an IUI, would be extraordinary.  But he does.  He pretty much flat out said he wouldn't do anything (and didn't want me to do anything either.) 

I think it's because we had a HUGE conflict early on in our marriage.  Before marriage we decided that I'd stop using BC on the honeymoon and we'd have a baby.  After marriage, I discovered a martial art that obsessed me for a good portion of the first 3 years of our married life, and I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to have a baby right away (or ever) and wanted time to think about it.  Considering I was 35 when we married, that was kind of shocking to him, since he figured I was old enough to know my mind on the subject, and wishy washy mindchanging wasn't on the plate for him.  But I did "come around" and obviously now I really want to have a baby or three.  And I now feel ready to be a parent. 

And I feel like he's punishing me.  He totally sneered when I said "But honey, I'm 39.  We ought to give every cycle our best shot."  I knew he was thinking "You should have thought of that 3-4 years ago."

I love him but sometimes I hate him too.

But-- now fertility friend (which is probably calculating things on the basis of averages, like an average luteal phase length of 14 days) is predicting that I will ovulate before I leave, and that the week before my trip will be a good time to get busy.  I hope my temps prove it right. 

Monday, September 26, 2011

Still here, but fretting.

Still taking temps and still not ovulating yet-- though it's only cycle day 12 and last cycle I probably ovulated between 25-29, so no rush.

But that made me take another look at the calendar.  I will be on a business trip October 10-14.  Cycle day 25 is ... October 9.  I could conceivably (no pun intended) get all stocked up with his end of the business on the 9th and 10th, right before heading to the airport... but that seems like I'd be potentially missing the "good days" if I actually ovulate on the 26th or 27th or 28th or 29th cycle day.  AND that assumes that I do ovulate on those days... since last cycle I was just relying on the OPK and not charting temps.


So I pitched him to come with me on the trip-- my treat-- although it is not to anywhere glamorous or enjoyable.  He could work remotely, after all.  He could just come on the 11th (haha no pun intended- sorry!) and leave on the 13th.  He just laughed... so I cutely said "honey I'm not kidding!"  and he said "oh, I know you weren't.  I know."  Not terribly happily-- more like wryly.

I think I'll start petitioning for babymaking sex on the 2nd just to be safe-- every other day-- then on the 8th, start with every day.... and tonight I need to ask him again to come with me. 

I know it's just one cycle but I am 39.  I want to make the best use of time possible.

Monday, September 19, 2011

This temp-taking isn't so hard.

I just set my alarm for 4 every morning (don't ask.  Taking it at 4 was random and now I am afraid to change it till the next cycle.  If there's a next.  Hope hope hope.)  I stick the therm in my mouth in the dark, wait till it beeps, shut it off, back to sleep.  Then when I wake up for real, I just turn it back on and watch for the last reading to flash quickly on the screen, before it goes to "Lo."

I think it's kinda interesting that my temps have generally been so much lower than they were last cycle, when I started taking them a week before my period.  Wonder if the post-ovulation (assuming there's ovulation) temps will be the same this time as they were, or if they'll just be "higher" than my current pre-ov temps.

That's me, overthinker.

G

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A new cycle begins.

Well, this last cycle was a 36 day cycle.  And this morning was the first day for me to take my temp for one solid cycle.  I am actually kind of fascinated to see the whole ovulation temp-rise thing in combination with the OPK pee testing. 

Just wish I wasn't working so late tonight.  And more... way more... I wish I hadn't gained these 20 or so pounds since my last jiu jitsu tournament.  I thought it would be so much easier to lose it-- and it would have been if I could have keep up with working out and training.

I don't like feeling my belly so big (which is definitely ironic given my goals...) and I don't like my underwear being too small.  And I don't like knowing that if I don't lose this weight I won't have anything to wear to hearings in court, or to wear at all in the winter-- I mean really, I don't even think my jeans fit any more.

I remember last October I was 133 lbs.  Let's get there again.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Well, duh....

Like an idiot I decided to pee on a stick this morning, "just in case."  Of course it was negative.  Or as all the pregnancy websites say, a BFN (big fat negative.  Or some other F word.)  I don't have a temp chart yet so I don't even know for sure I ovulated or whatever, so how could I know whether it was too early to test?  Which is good I guess...

Last month I had a 40 day cycle, so if that is consistent, I am due for mother nature about Sept 20th.  Meaning now would theoretically be 13ish days after ovulation.  A full week too early.  I guess.

Isn't it odd that as a 39 year old woman I don't really know how long my cycle is?  I was on birth control almost my entire adult life.  I have been manipulating it mostly successfully for 20+ years.  This is truly an adventure that will require patience.

:)